Egotistic

Mirror Burnished

by admin on April 11th, 2011

filed under Mirrors

Good story beginning?

Somebody was after me, I don’t know who or why but I was determined to find out.
1 day earlier:
A chromic black car with burnished white letters that read FBI chased rapidly behind me in a New York suburban area. I glanced in the left side mirror and watched a bullet shatter my reflection. My heart sped up faster then I could blink. The light thudding soon became powerful drum beats. A light trickle of sweat slowly fell down from my eyebrow as I unhesitantly hit the gas as an adrenaline rush hit me like a bolt of electricity. I hit speeds of 150 km/h. Another bullet propelled its way from the officer’s gun and rapidly connected with my back windshield smashing it into as many pieces as a $1,000,000 Lego set.
Thank you for your assistance in making my introduction more improved

Firstly a very descriptive and well thought out introduction but some problems arose quickly... The use of the word "chromic" to describe the car is weak something like "lustrous" or "shiny" would add more to the paragraph. Oh my when you compare your heart to the time it takes to blink that "then" needs to be a "than." Don't use light twice in two sentences bad repetition. Use small trickle of sweat, or miniscule. I don't like the use of "unhesitantly" because it is not a word! Use "shattering" it is a pane of glass they don't smash very well. Overall adequate writing, sounds like a generic car chase but the description adds pace to the excerpt which I found refreshing.

Tags: decorating, house, mirror, ping.fm
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